Over the last six years of The Progressive CIO, I have invited personal friends to pen guest essays that I think will provoke thought. This is one of them, from the father of a very good friend.
Yes, it’s Roman Catholic in tone; I was once a practicing Roman Catholic, and while I long ago parted ways with the church, many of its basic lessons remain part of who I am. Even if you are not Christian, this essay offers important lessons for all of us. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
By Tom Vallie, January 14, 2026
Forces which divide us, one from another and between groups, have accelerated lately. Promoters of divisive strife were always there in the shadows, but now operate openly, pitting us against one another with lies and half-truths; race from race, faith from faith, political left from right, believers from unbelievers. The list goes on spreading the false notion that we are radically different one from another; as the quick are profoundly unlike the long dead.
We are being enticed by divisive forces to judge others harshly, to criticize coldly, to condemn without reason, and to commiserate our negative thoughts with likeminded others.
The seeds of division grow and thrive in the subsoil of negative thinking and emotions. There are numerous reports that some people have a seventy-five to eighty percent rate of negative thoughts. Whether such thoughts are rooted in an evolutionary fear and need for self-protection or other equally primitive mechanisms doesn’t matter. Negative thoughts and words that judge, criticize and condemn are hurtful, unkind and unchristian. And they divide us.
When I first read of the high percentage of negative thoughts some people have, I was skeptical. But, by examining my own thoughts and words the truth was clear. I’m not an eighty percenter, by a long shot, but I’m on the spectrum. The incessant storm of political vindictive and media-borne hate-speech has affected me as it has infected many others. I realized that I can do very little to silence the promoters or somehow derail the vehicles of division. Voting for and supporting change, and refocusing my anger in positive ways is something I can and must do. Aside from that, my personal change-points are correcting my own negative thought and speech patterns and improving my faith commitment to live daily the teachings of Jesus.
One of my spiritual heroes is St. Seraphim of Sarov (1758-1833), Russian monk, starets and mystic who taught, in a style typical of his times:
“Never condemn each other. Not even whose who you catch at the evil deed. We condemn others only because we shun knowing ourselves. When we gaze at our own failings, we see such a morass of filth that nothing in another can equal it. That is why we turn away, and make much of the faults of others…Instead of condemning others, strive to reach the inner peace. Keep silent, refrain from judgment.”
—“Flame in the Snow, A Life of St Seraphim of Sarov”, Page 154, Julia de Beausobre, Templegate, Springfield, IL. 1996
There are, of course, legitimate reasons to judge others, to assess motives and actions which cause harm to innocent people. Legitimate criticism notwithstanding, judging, criticizing and condemning others divert our attention from our most important spiritual goals. While we defame others we cease acting out of love in the most basic ways. Instead of walking the path Jesus dreams for us, we choose to give our hearts away to division and hatred.
St. Seraphim pinpoints the reset truth: “Our real goal is the reacquiring of the Holy Spirit…”(Ibid; Page 143) That is, to realize God’s very life in us, and to surrender to Holy Spirit’s guidance, inspiration and empowerment. That focus is lost in the words and emotions spent on hate speech. Reaffirming our true calling as Christians is the essential first step toward change.
Reversing negative thoughts and words starts with custody of our thinking and speaking. My mother’s instruction to her growing brood was: “If you can’t say something good about someone, say nothing at all.” Today’s translation: “Instead of saying negative things about someone, find something positive to say about him or her.” I can name a few persons I find very difficult to say anything good about. But even their mothers must have loved them, and if not, surely God loves them and holds them in existence. God’s love is absolute for everyone and here it becomes a final opportunity to say something “good” even through clinched teeth.
In psychotherapy circles there is a therapy called “Cognitive Restructuring,” which seeks to identify and change negative thought patterns. One must be willing to identify ingrained negative thought patterns and habitual narratives that play unchallenged (“I always get the short end of the stick.” Or, “All politicians (of this or that party) are corrupt!”). Secondly, be willing to challenge oneself, measuring habitual thought patterns against higher personal and spiritual values. It is necessary, finally, to reframe those negative narratives in positive ways. Not with Pollyanna prattle, but by charting realistic and positive pathways. It’s worth a try.
In terms of negative commiserating, we stumble upon a boatload of relational issues. There is much more at stake between me and those close ones than negative talk. It’s not easy to “just walk away”. But one can say, “Let’s not talk about that. I have other things on my mind.” Or more to the point, “All this negative talk is depressing. Can we change the subject?” I like simply not responding, which is wordless withdrawal from the negative conversation. Trust and surrender are the spiritual weapons for surviving our times; “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him. Do not fret yourself over the one who prospers, the one who succeeds in evil schemes.”(Psalm 37.7-8) Silence is the language of the soul and the seat and manifestation of prayer. It is said that God hears the words we haven’t yet spoken.
Private negative thoughts are another matter. For me, hearing the words and viewing the deeds of some political figures evoke negative reactions in me. I try to take a mental step back by thinking positively. More often it is productive to turn to prayer. First of all, as praise and adoration of our Good God, but secondly, for the one who evokes negative feelings in me. The words of Jesus prod me: “But I say to you that hear, love your enemies, and do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.”(Luke 6, 27-28) It is difficult to hate someone while praying for God to bless him or her.
As a practical defense against hate speech my wife and I have stopped watching the National News, and refrain from using the internet as a substitute. Witnessing our democracy being stolen from us is disturbing. Watching it on television simply invites anger and hatred.
I have an hierarchy of negative gripes. Some are petty as: “Why hasn’t the town fixed the flood damage and road closures. It’s over a year since the hurricane!” On the other end of the spectrum: “Our basic freedoms are being eroded and our democracy is threatened.” The first kind is easy enough to put aside, but the other, not so much. Griping drags me down.
Our judgements of others cannot always be trusted. I have prejudices and old wounds that speak louder than reason. But as Jesus said to his detractors: “You judge by human standards; I judge no one…”(John 8.15) In his letter to Christians, James (5.9) counsels: “Do not grumble, brethren, against one another, that you may not be judged.” When I point a hateful finger at someone, my three other fingers point back accusing me!
Following the teachings of Jesus to the letter is a more different matter. In the Gospels Jesus uses self-mutilation imagery to say that we must remove whatever tempts us to sin.
“And if your hand or foot cause you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better for you to enter life maimed or lame than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into the eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it away; it is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hell of fire.”
—(Matthew 18.8-9)
Jesus used hyperbole to make the point that we ought to remove whatever incumbrancers keep us from reaching our highest goal of reacquiring Holy Spirit and living united with God. The pathway Jesus defines is found in Luke’s Gospel (6.27-31) partially mentioned above: love enemies, do good to haters, bless and pray for those who abuse you. And, give away your coat as well as the shirt off of your back, turn your cheek for a second slap, give to everyone who begs from you, don’t ask to have returned things taken from you, lend and expect nothing in return. Doing otherwise is not worthy of anyone who follows Jesus.
In his letter to Philippians St. Paul sums up our path toward the highest good:
“Rejoice in the Lord always, again will say, Rejoice. Let all men know your forbearance. The Lord is at hand. Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplicating with thanksgiving let your requests be made know to God. And the Grace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus.”
—(4.4-7)
Forces which divide us one from another are relentless. They entice us to judge, criticize and condemn, and to use hate speech as a weapon of destruction. We who walk the Christian path, whether as believers in Jesus or simply good-hearted, righteous people, must be equally ruthless in turning aside, resisting being drawn into hateful speech and to live in the Holy Spirit.
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